The 12 Disasters of Christmas (2012) Reviews

• Should've been titled the, "12 Gruesome Deaths of Christmas."

  bgm20052012-12-11

  Should've been titled the, "12 Gruesome Deaths of Christmas." Complete with killer Christmas lights that break from their shackles for the attack, a mysterious fog that makes that creepy noise while stalking its prey, and unlucky Grandma impaled by a giant icicle that missiles from the sky. A small-town story of biblical proportions, of course character and place names gotta use biblical references. And finally, no good biblical disaster story is worthwhile without an evil nemesis, so toss in a Wal-mart clone and its megalomaniacal owner as the villain. I mean, the disaster has to have a purpose, right? A sophomoric movie that I admit kept me watching just to see how it ends. The real end though, was me poking myself in the chest for losing two hours of my life.

• Painful Waste of Time and CGI

  kat_astrophi2012-12-09

  Please do not consider wasting two whole hours of your life on this turd, possibly hoping (as I did) that it will fall into that 'so bad it's good' territory. This movie was so awful it skipped that category altogether and went straight into the land of 'forgettable and generic'. I'll try and go through methodically rather than just wax annoyed about this Syfy dud: PLOT/STORY- The film is a doomsday sci-fi story set in a small Northern town and based on the premise that the Mayans predicted the end times and then warned us using coded messages in the song "The 12 Days of Christmas." Yes, really, the one with the French hens. The writers waste no time in flinging far-fetched and mostly unexplained disasters at the characters, from hilariously fatal icicles to hurricanes to the dreaded Jello Sky only previously seen in Ghostbusters II. The characters are incredibly cartoonish (soulless corporate goons, rebellious teen girls, religious fruitcakes, the gang's all here!) and the writing is so weak in parts it is embarrassing to watch actual grown-ups act out clunky dialogue and a confusing narrative a fourth grader may as well have written. Which brings me to my next point. ACTING- The film hangs its hat primarily on Jacey, a young girl with special powers, and her father, as they go through tired heroics trying to decipher a book of Mayan cartoons, save the world, and repair their strained relationship, natch. The actors here do little more than act as cardboard stand-ins for characters so flat and incomplete even THEY don't seem to believe them. I wasn't convinced that any of the people were in even the slightest bit of peril (and trust me, peril comes at every character from all sides) other than perhaps the dog, which had the good sense to leave early on before things got so bad that I had second-hand embarrassment for anyone who appeared on screen. Without spoiling anything, suffice to say that the best bits of acting (and I use that term loosely) are generally the people who display expressions of actual horror- as opposed to boredom- before they are dispatched of violently by the doom du jour. MUSIC AND SOUND FX- Nothing special to see here; the film carries your typical Asylum-quality generic music tracks to try and amp up whatever terror or concern we're intended to feel, although I must say that occasionally you get a satisfying crunch or rip whenever a hapless townsperson is brutally killed because the Mayans got their panties in a bunch and we didn't pay enough attention to a Christmas song. ...In closing, yeah, it was just that bad. Also, here's a parting thought: we're meant to buy that Jacey and her family are descended from Mayan prophets, and their pale-Caucasian-small-Northern-town-ishness is hand waved by the resident Smart Theory Guy by simply saying that thousands of years of intermarrying with Europeans has made them not remotely Hispanic. Seeing as how there are still Maya peoples (an ethnic group) alive today in Mexico and Central America, isn't this kind of racist or at best, wildly ignorant? I kind of hope so because it gives me one more thing I can complain about with this movie. After giving my two hours I feel I've earned as much. Don't make the same mistake I did, folks.

• Awful

  gavin69422013-12-30

  It is Christmas Eve when an ominous dark star appears in the sky; could this star be a sign that Judgment Day is near... Wow, this film is bad. On top of all the nonsense -- why did the Mayans hide all that stuff in Idaho, and why is the end of the world only happening in one city -- it was just bad on many levels, even for a film that appeared on SyFy (and changing the title to get it purchased / watched after Christmas will do nothing to save it). Worst of all was the naming of characters as "Joseph", "Mary" and "Jacey". I mean, you could try to make it a bit more subtle by at least calling the one guy Joe, but no.

• Well, They Got the Disaster Part Right

  Michael_Elliott2012-12-09

  The 12 Disasters of Christmas (2012) * 1/2 (out of 4) Really stupid movie has a girl (Magda Apanowicz) learning that she's the "chosen one" and must collect five rings to prevent the Mayan prediction of the world coming to an end from happening. Along with her father (Ed Quinn) the two try and capture the rings while avoiding earthquakes, tornadoes, ice spears and other disasters. THE 12 DISASTERS OF Christmas should have been so much fun but instead it's just one long, boring mess of a film that takes itself way too serious. Add in the totally unbelievable special effects and you've got another worthless movie that people turn into SyFy for each Saturday. I actually thought this one here had a pretty interesting story but it soon struck me that the "end of the world" wasn't really the "end of the world" because all of the events were just taking place in this one small hick town. It's also pretty hard to be scared of anything you're watching when the special effects are so poor that you can't help but roll your eyes. This is especially true during the scenes where people are freezing and the ice spears really aren't any better. The performances are about average for this type of picture but you really can't blame them too much considering the screenplay. THE LORD OF THE RINGS is another obvious "inspiration" but director Steven R. Monroe (I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE) just can't bring any life to the material.

• Syfy fans will enjoy

  spmytrash2012-12-10

  I have watched many Syfy original movies, personally i find them very enjoyable. Unlike many of the other people who are negative about these kinds of movies and quick to give bad ratings and reviews. You need to be a fan of Syfy movies to really be able to enjoy this movie. Sure it does not compare to "2012" or some other popular doomsday movie. But to the right crowds and fans I believe many would still enjoy this movie. The effects and story line are not high rated or spectacular. But keep in mind, it is a Syfy original movie. The actors and actresses may not be well known or very popular. Even though some of them have been seen in other Syfy originals. Considering the movie genre,the casting, and storyline i really think they did a good job. I would really recommend it for any fan of Syfy movie originals.