Quench (2007) Reviews

• My lord this was a bad movie

  agent599877742008-11-11

  I've seen better acting in porn. In fact I've seen better plots in porn. I can't find a single redeeming value in this movie. It was hands down the worst thing I've ever watched. How this atrocity of a film ever managed to get a rating above 2 I'm at a complete loss to explain. In fact it has completely removed any faith I might have had in a peer reviewed movie database. I've you're thinking about watching it and you stumble upon this review. Do not walk. Run away from this movie. Go to Home Depot and buy a gallon of paint. You will get many more hours of enjoyment from watching that dry than this movie could ever hope to provide.

• Imagine a film written and directed by the Ben Stein character from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. That's what this is like.

  MBunge2010-05-31

  It looks like the budget for this film was roughly the same as the price of two McDonald's Happy Meals and a pack of Big Red gum. Yet it is not cheapness that defines Quench. It looks like most of the cast learned how to act by watching the Spider-Man segments on public television's old Electric Company show. Yet it is not the largely deficient performances which define this movie. No, Quench is defined by the awesome tediousness of Zack Parker's writing and direction. Imagine if the world's dullest man went to film school, graduated with a GPA of 2.76 and then made a movie that literally bored him to death while he edited it together. That's what Quench is like. The story, which moves slower than molasses spilled on the surface of the ice planet Hoth, concerns scraggily-bearded college student Derik (Bo Barrett) hitchhiking his way to Richmond, Indiana to visit his childhood friend Jason (Ben Schmitt). Derik can't think of anywhere else to go after suffering a tragedy in his life, but he's put off by Jason's transformation into a small town wannabe goth, complete with black nail polish and a girlfriend who dresses and acts like a fat version of the lead singer of Evanescence. Jason and his girlfriend are involved in some secret group, something that alienates Derik as he sleeps on their couch and mooches off them for a couple of weeks. After Jason politely suggests Derik get off his lazy ass and get a job so he can help pay for basic expenses like food and utilities, Derik throws a fit like a first-class douche bag and storms out. He hooks up with Gina (Mia Moretti), a member of Jason's secret group. Like one of the psychotically lonely and desperate women from a VH1 reality show, Gina reveals the secrets of the group to Derik and asks him to join as her lover. After taking so long to get to that point that it felt like moss had started to grow on my eyeballs, it takes about 45 seconds for things to go bad with Derik and the secret group and the movie then ends with a twist that's more like a punch line from a basic cable comedy skit. There is some female nudity in Quench, including the spectacular bazoombas of Samantha Eileen DeTurk as Jason's girlfriend, and Mia Moretti appears to have some acting talent. There's also a crude competence to the film-making and there are some ideas in the story that could have become genuinely interesting. However, everything in this film moves…so…very…very…slowly, as though writer/director Parker thinks tedium and dramatic tension are the exact same thing. It's not just that there are too many scenes that go on too long with nothing happening in them. It's that every single moment is stretched out and dwelled upon like the movie was timed out with a sundial. Judging from Quench, if Zack Parker were hired to direct a toothpaste commercial, he'd wind up making one that was 14 minutes long. I'll be the first to complain about the hyperkinetic pace and visual blur of today's films that are made by people who have apparently never watched anything except music videos. However, it appears as though Parker has never watched anything except paint dry and grass grow. It also doesn't help matters than Parker writes dialog like he's never had a fun or engaging conversation in his entire life. He also inexplicably has the main role in his movie portrayed by the least attractive guy in his cast. Bo Barrett makes Tom Green look like Tom Cruise. Even the male extras are all better looking than him. It may seem cheap and shallow, but the importance of having pretty people in your cast is inversely proportional to the production values of your movie. The better they are, the uglier your actors can be. The worse they are, the better it is to have the most attractive performers you can get, even if they can barely speak two sentences at a time. Quench is a undeniable failure as a film. It is so stultifyingly languid that it might succeed as a cure for insomnia. If you do make the bad decision to watch it, be sure and not operate any heavy machinery afterwards.

• This was terrible...

  mysticmerlin612008-11-06

  *SPOILERS!* I'm sorry but I just don't get why this film is getting so much high acclaim. Everything about this film was just so awful. The acting was so below par. There were so many annoying long pauses, like actors had forgotten their dialogue, and the character of Derrick's 'emotions' were just so random. Each scene had this horrible unnatural feel to it. There was no flowing dialogue or natural movement. This could have also tied into the editing. The editing looks like your basic pre-school cut and paste job. Shots were too long and at one point Derrick managed to go from sitting at a chair talking to Gina to standing in a doorway without us even seeing him move. Thats just bad practice. And whoever shot the scene where Derrick leaves the house after hitting Ronnie, what the hell was up with that camera track? Invest in a steadicam or just use a zoom. When it came to the final revelation all I could do was laugh. Yes its meant to solve the huge mystery of why he really came to the town, how Sarah died and why he doesn't want to be cut but I think the film missed the whole issue. I would have liked to have seen Derrick question Jason and Gina about their blood drinking. Surely as a carrier of HIV he'd think it was absolutely insane that these people would put themselves at risk but he just brushed it off as some weird stuff that they did. The scene where Derrick gets beaten up. Those SFX were awful not to mention the fact his face looked ridiculous. All that blood but no bruising? And where the hell did that little black towel come from?! And why is in in the middle of her living room?! For me this film felt totally unsure of itself. I wasn't sure if it was trying to tell the story of his dead girlfriend, his broken friendship, the new love interest, his relationship with his parents, his HIV, a blood drinking cult or what. It was all kind of slapdashed together with an 'I HAVE HIV' slammed on the ending. Definitely not a 'Modern Gothic Tragedy' as the tagline states. Surely the 'gothic tragedy' would have been Jason or Gina. Ugh, I just really dislike everything about this film.

• A failed expose of Goth culture

  Young_WH2009-02-07

  A supposed expose of Goth culture that exists--thrives--just below the radar in American culture, this indie fails miserably in its goal. The wooden performances on the part of all involved would not even suffice for a cheapie porn flick. Apparently shot in the rural Midwest, it purports to reveal the inner workings of a clan of young people brought together by a pair of adults who call themselves "mother and father," and lead their "children" to drink one another's blood in order to gain obedience within a secretive family. The word "bizarre" does not begin to do justice to this film; perhaps "awful," "god-awful," "terrible, "wretchedly acted," or just plain "wretched" would better describe this piece of horsepucky.

• Excellent attention to detail, but slow and boring

  danvu812008-11-07

  The amount of detail put into the scenes in this movie is great, but you can't make a movie out of that alone. The story and plot are simple enough to be summed up in a couple lines. The actors/actresses are, at best, average. I found myself too impatient wanting to get to the end sooner. The filler and dialog feel extremely long winded. There's nothing wrong with the dialog - I wish they talked faster and also not move so slow. There's a lot of quality in the movie: the artwork in the basement, the Gothic settings/themes, and the cinematography to name a few. The twist at the end was also very good. If they squeezed the 90+ minute run time into a 60 minute time frame, I feel this would've been much more entertaining.